Facebook You Have Been Mustached

Here I present some of the contestants of the World Beard Championship with their goods superimposed on a some what random sampling of my Facebook friends list. Each picture was taken from their profile picture which is visible to all so I didn't ask for permission. If you are not amused to see your picture here, then let me know and I'll get you to sign a waver form. I could have chosen my own Facebook picture but I find that picking on others is a much more enjoyable past time.

Due to laziness I often consider growing a beard, but I am consistently reminded by my wife that my facial hair grows in little tiny spikes that are probably capable of drawing blood. Since I never plan on growing out my red spiky beard of death I should get laser hair removal. I won't though because without the ability to grow a beard I would feel somewhat emasculated.


Mystery Men Meets Heroes

Why are all of the people in Heroes/X-Men given cool genetic enhancements? Genetic variation doesn't have to be beneficial. Here is a quick list of various demi-heroes.

The Flake
Feeling that something is true for her allows it to be actually true in reality. Psychokinesis is an ability that uses the mind to influence matter but what about all of the other thinking organs in the body? It has long been known by the religious that the gut, heart, and appendix are equally useful in reasoning. The flake has an abnormally large thinking heart that gives her emotionkinesis which is the the hearts muscles ability to influence matter. Unlike the brain the heart isn't stimulated into action with sight or sound, so the flake must use intense emotion to allow her to move things with her mind. The flake draws her emotional energies from driving her kids to soccer practice, watching Oprah and Touched by An Angel.
Catch phrase: "Care bear stare!"
"Because it is ego-driven, head thinking can often be delusory. Heart thinking is focused on reality."
- Heart Thinking

The Resistor
The only human able to resist our alien overlords mind control. Unknown to everyone but the resistor, aliens are currently controlling all government officials.
See alien plot to trick Albertans into destroying the environment by developing the tar sands.
Catch phrase: "You'll be sorry, you'll all be sorry!"

Passive Aggressive Man
Able to think negative thoughts about the people that give him a hard time. Passive Aggressive man is incapable of verbally voicing disapproval.
Do to his inability express frustration Passive Aggressive Man leaves his mark on the world through nefarious actions:
  • Anonymous written diatribes
  • Think nasty thoughts
  • Crying alone in the fetus position under his office desk
Catch phrase: "It could be worse."

Garbage Pail Kids
Creepy children from the 1980s with various genetic defects and or enhancements.

Shoes for hands instead of claws. Need I say more?

Garment-kinesis (making women's clothes fall off)

Random thought
Ever notice how Radiohead sounds like it is sung by Herbert off of the family guy?

What's your favorite demi-hero?